Partial Celibacy, Take One
By Citronella on Saturday, September 27 2008, 22:30 - Permalink
I've never enjoyed being single all that much.
Wait, that is not true. I've never enjoyed looking for a boyfriend all that much. I tend to feel way more lonely and worthless when trying to meet new guys and either being rejected or finding them boring than when I am just, you know, living my life as a single gal.
Well contemplating new relationships when still somewhat in love with my not-exactly-yet-ex boyfriend is actually rather dire. Especially due to all the less than blunt adjectives in the previous sentence.
I went out on Thursday night. With lots of couples and coupled people. Which, in itself, was a bad idea, but when we actually took off for a bite I was with three single guys. Including Tom, as Nance and him decided that the long distance relationship wasn't working after all, and who was not as single as I thought as it appeared that he had to leave early for a date. The fact that deciding not to go on with Nance and getting a few dates including seemingly successful ones with the girl he was meeting that evening took him a little less than six weeks should have made me feel rather positive about the possibility of meeting new people, but it just made me fear the Feline would replace me so easily.
Then I met a nice physicist, a sweet guy really, but I couldn't say anything clicked at all. I actually grew rather annoyed with him at some point, mostly because he was showing not to be my kind of guy after all. I get points for meeting a new guy and get him to flash me broad smiles though, right? Right.
So I left early because I was so fed up with it all, wanted to punch the physicist in the face for not meeting my expectations (poor guy), and had a hard time refraining myself from yelling at the two lovebirds who just came back from a seemingly very successful dinner out to stop showing their happiness already.
Not a success I'm afraid.
Tonight the Fabulous Feline is out on his own. I am not because, for one, I do not feel like going out, and moreover, there is nowhere I can go to. I could have joined the guys out to some Oktoberfest partying but do I look like I would enjoy myself surrounded by old German folks, drinking pints and liters and beers, and observing everybody around me getting thoroughly pissed? I didn't think so. And I'm not really into the idea of going to a bar or a club all on my own, especially given that I don't really enjoy clubbing all that much; I'm assuming that my chances to meet, in a club, someone who doesn't like clubbing either, are rather slim. Plus, the only club I've ever appreciated around here holds rather dear Feline memories, as we almost hooked up for the first time when a group of people we were hanging out with dragged us there. (The "almost" part of that statement is solely the responsibility of this one girl who wouldn't let go of us, even when we went out of the damn club to take a walk on the moon-lit beach. "Thick" is the word you are looking for.)
It is, all in all, more satisfying and less tear inducing than witnessing other people's smooching and meeting guys who don't quite cut it for me. I cannot decide, though, whether I should keep the Fabulous Feline's pictures on my wall. It's not that much that I don't want to keep him there for now; it's more the thought that on each and every one of these, whether or not I am on the picture as well, it is at me that he is smiling, that alternatively warms or crushes my heart.
And if only I could find a way not to cry every other time we are together...
Comments
Sometimes it's ok to feel lonely; but it's never ok for you to feel worthless. Because you are not. *hug*
I've always thought your situation had the potential to be terribly painful. I've thought you quite brave to embrace love in spite of it, so remember how exceptional you are and my guess is you'll find someone suitable in due time. Many good thoughts for you.
Brennig > Thanks. I am pretty bad at being sociable, I'm afraid, and feel awfully clumsy with large groups or people I do not know. (You don't even want to imagine me in a large group of unknown people.) It makes me hesitate between wanting to beat myself up for my lack of social skills, and wanting to beat other people up for being uninteresting and/or hypocritically nice to everybody. All in all, it doesn't create a very serene mood.
Katie > At times I am impressed at how strong I am in dealing with that... and at times I am impressed at how poorly I can collapse. Thanks for your thoughts and kind words.
I tried to comment earlier, but it wouldn't work.
I basically seconded Bren's comment - you're not worthless, you're one of my favourite people. I haven't got a list of favourite people, but you're definitely in the Top 5.
I also now agree with Katie. The fact you loved FF even whilst knowing that this was how it was going to end ...
*hug*
If you ever want to rant or ramble to someone, e-mail me and I'll try to be online at the same time as you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, my darling. I really, really am.
Amy > Sorry you weren't able to comment earlier. I actually blushed at the idea of being among your favorite people! And I might take the opportunity to ramble to you someday, my dear.
why not re-label the date-acquisition process as "shopping"?
I am so glad to have managed to access your blog again, I had completely lost it when you migrated to this site, back in the spring.
It breaks my heart to read your story with the Fabulous Feline, and I really do not have any words of advice or wisdom to share. In my heart of hearts, though, I know that life will take you along its convoluted path, on which you will eventually meet "the one." And I think that it will happen well you least expect it. And, for what it's worth, you will always cherish those years and special moments with the FF.
Oh, and I forgot - because I found your blog again, I was able to put it back on my blogroll. And I did miss reading your fabulous prose for all that time. So glad you commented on my blog yesterday.
It breaks my heart to see you going through this. I'm continuously amazed by how bravely and gracefully you handle this situation. I know that you'll find your way through.
coffeesnob > It is indeed very similar. In both cases you feel like there is something wrong with your body, it gets old very quickly, and it's way more enjoyable if you're not set on finding something in particular. However, if I like my shopping to be on sale, I'd rather not get a cheap date.
Elisabeth > I am so sorry I lost you when I migrated! (And it's not like if I had too many readers/commenters of quality right now.) Glad you're back though. Thanks for your compliments on my writing, and I think you're dead right on the fact that I will always cherish the good times with the Feline. I hope you're right about finding "the one" too.
Amanda > Thanks for your words of courage. There are many times when I feel everything but brave in this situation, but I do believe there are better days ahead and it is in my power to make them happen.