The Cycle That Won't End
By Citronella on Monday, July 7 2008, 22:07 - Permalink
My entire life has been divided in periods of roughly three years. Due to my rather unusual education (skipping years here and there, taking an extra one later on to open up my possibilities), I've spend three years in each school cycle. The last complete three years cycle, for instance, was mostly spent in my engineering school getting my degree. It was also spent starting and ending a rather disastrous relationship. It was also spent moving four or five times, traveling, making important decisions in a haze, growing out of my teenage years, this kind of things. It finished roughly when I moved to the United States.
I have been here for almost three years. Had I decided (or, also, had I had the opportunity) to pursue my PhD in France, I would most likely be about done, for most PhD programs in science take about three years back there. But here... things are stable. I am planning to graduate somewhere between July and December of 2009, which is still a long way to go, and can easily be stretched to the more regular duration of five full years should more time come to be needed. I am not willing to move out before I graduate (and should not have to according to my rental agreement). My relationship with the Fabulous Feline does not feel like it is coming to an end and I am certainly not going to leave him because I need a change.
But I am afraid something in me is longing for a new cycle. Especially when, around me, things can't seem to stop whirling.
The Fabulous Feline just moved out into a lovely apartment and is about to start a new job (he is interviewing a lot these days, for interesting positions, so I am very optimistic).
Katie over at Minor Revisions has just started a new job today and, despite the anxiety related to her moving far from her post-doc location and not having fluffy pillows in her temporary hotel room, it seems lovely to me.
My best friend (it is not because I barely ever mention him that he does not exist. And before you ask, no, I do not have a best girlfriend. I am not very good at feminine friendships) and his girlfriend are looking for an apartment to rent together; he will start his PhD soon while she enters the program she has been dreaming of for months, if not years and has recently been accepted to.
Benjamin is also starting a PhD, and even though he is familiar with the lab and still lives in the same apartment, he is very excited about it.
Nance, believe it or not, is moving back east and entering grad school, and while she is crushed about living so far from her boyfriend, she is elated at the idea of living in a place she'll love and doing something positive and interesting to her.
And so on, and so forth, to the point where I am feeling really antsy. But, being very busy right now, I cannot even deal with this need for change in the usual fashion of moving the furniture around and putting new pictures on the walls. I do not want a new haircut and cannot afford a new wardrobe. I am not going to go vegan, take interest in Buddhism or yoga, nor go to New Mexico and drive cattle.
So what on earth am I going to do?
Comments
Take classes for a new language? Norwegian - for example - is extremely useful :-D!
Hey, the going to New Mexico to drive cattle thing? Sounds way cool to me.
I really have no idea. When I was at sixth-form college I felt similar to you, but I Just kept plodding through.
I'm learning a new language now - Japanese - and that's quite fun. Go with that suggestion, maybe??
hypoglycemiagirl > I actually started to really learn Italian (which I mostly understand when it's nicely spoken for a foreigner or when it's written, but which I can barely speak) earlier this year, but it has gotten harder after the first few months and I lamely stopped altogether. Maybe I should go back to that but... I lack time!
Brennig > Yeah, well, you're not exactly afraid of riding a horse, so I'm sure it helps.
Amy > Give me one quiet extra half-hour a day, and I'll go back to Italian, maybe!
There is something exhilarating about starting over, so I understand what you're feeling. But stability is good too - I'm glad you're busy and productive and hope you find a way to stay challenged and happy until it's time to move again. (Oh, and I'm a girl and I think we'd get along beautifully!)
Katie > I'm glad the exhilaration replaced the heartbroken feeling. And I do get along with girls... just less easily than with boys. (It could make an interesting post in itself. But right now I have to prepare tomorrow's lunch and crash into my bed.)