Averse To Change?
By Citronella on Monday, June 23 2008, 22:24 - Permalink
My parents flew back to France this morning. Even though I left them in San Francisco two days ago, it pinches my heart to know that they're not in the same country anymore, that their evenings will be back to being my mornings, and that they are so many hours, miles, time zones and dollars away from me now. Missing the call they gave me during their layover in Chicago gave me a pang in the chest.
The Fabulous Feline, helped by Tom, moved all of his furniture from his campus apartment to the new one a few miles away. He is living there now (even though he still has to move a few items and clean the old apartment). When I look out of the window, the building I see on the far right is not the one in which he lives anymore. The possibility that I would see him walk out while looking in this direction went from remote (it only happened a couple times in a few years) to nonexistent.
I was happy to see my parents and they are doing fine. We call each other every so often and I wouldn't like to live down the street from them in any case.
The Fabulous Feline's new quarters are great, with lots of commodities us poor grad students cannot afford (washer, dryer, dishwasher, AC, garage, you name it...), only a twenty minute drive away, about fifty minutes by bus with the walking included. We will most likely see if anything more of each other than we used to ‒ going back and forth between our places seven or eight times a week-end is not going to happen anymore. It is, clearly, a change for the better for him, and I will most likely be glad to be spending time over at his new shiny and room-mate-free place.
But. I feel a bit... what? Sad? Nostalgic? Lonely? Disrupted? Scared?
I'm not quite sure. It comes and goes, and I am not quite able to identify the thought that precede this feeling. So I'm going to brush my teeth and remove my make up and climb into bed with a book and slowly go to sleep.
It might not be a good idea to try and finish Wide Sargasso See (which I am reading in French because my mother gave it to me after she read it herself ‒ interestingly enough, the French title means Prisoner of the Sargasso See, and I am not quite sure which one I prefer.) tonight, though.
Comments
I can relate to that feeling, and I know how horrible it is. I'm sending you love from across the Atlantic. Hope it helps, even a little.
only because you care about the little niceties of expression...
you can drop the "d". it's averse to change.
Amy > Thanks.
Coffeesnob > Thanks also. I thought something was wrong with it but did not feel like checking...
Oh babe. Hugs here for you.
Brennig > Thanks. I got better rather quickly. And realized there is a parallel between the Fabulous Feline living in a different, better place than mine and a rather bad period of my life (reinforced by the fact that I was also living abroad and missing my family at the time). Realizing it allowed me to go over it.