The Newcomers
By Citronella on Wednesday, May 28 2008, 18:53 - Permalink
We have new people coming to the lab.
For some reason they won't start officially before the end of June but they're all here already, eager to get started. I've met them briefly today, and they seem nice and socially able (which is more important that you would think before you've had to work with someone who is not) ‒ it's a bit early to know whether or not they are skilled and good collaborators, but the first impression was positive.
And two thirds of them are women! Nobody in the lab makes me feel like I am out of place being a woman, so I don't really mind, but I've been the only girl around for the past eleven months and it makes me a bit sad to have so few women in the field.
(After having read and heard so many stories of women being treated differently from men in research labs, I have thought a bit about it. I think I have been spared because all the PhD students or post-docs I am dealing with are young, brilliant, open-minded men. The only guy who did not treated me like he expected me to be intelligent was the one guy who was forced to quit the lab and whose opinion never mattered because everybody agreed to say he was a one moronic asshole. And as far as my advisor is concerned, getting work done is way more important than anything else; if a salmonella was going to him with good degrees and recommendations and lived up to his expectations, he would not question working with the salmonella.)
So, yay, women! Plus, one of them sounds like she would be interested in working with me, which would be awesome because I am the only one doing whatever it is that I am doing right now and I miss the interaction. And I don't really want my research to die when I'll leave the lab because it is pretty awesome, and it would be great to have someone to pass it on. (It would be even better to keep on doing it myself, but that might very well not be possible, for various reasons.)
So all looks pretty damn well!
The only thing is... before I had a chance to see the newcomers, several of my lab mates who had already met with one of the girls were talking about her being hot. As they rarely discuss these matters with me (even when we are not in a professional context), I was expecting her to be really stunning.
She is not.
Of course, I found her good-looking, with a very cute smile, but nothing stupefying.
...
I don't even think she has better looks than me. Or not by much.
...
I could, of course, have very different taste than them in women. But I find their girlfriends quite pretty, and I'm hoping for everybody involved that they do too. (Even though we'll all agree that they also have other qualities. I am being shallow and talking about looks here, so please.)
And I am now wondering... What the fuck do the guys say about me when I'm not around?
Comments
the road (best) not taken: wondering what others think or say about us in private.
Coffeesnob > I am, actually, more surprised at the idea that they might, indeed, have been discussing my looks, than really worried about what they said about them. Of course I do have an opinion on how good-looking they are, but this episode made me realize they have one about me, too. We get along well, in the lab and outside, and that's what matter; not whether they've already talked about my cleavage or stated they find me ugly.
...
Okay, that's something new for me to worry about.
Well, if you want a male perspective...
I doubt they say anything.
In all the time I've been at work etc. I've heard very few comments about how attractive or not co-workers are. And the few I have heard have been pretty much limited to:
"She's hot!"
"Yep!"
and that's about as far as it goes.
However much women might despair at how little men seem to want to talk, it does have some upsides too ;)
Amy > Nah. It's not that important. What's important is that they keep it for themselves.
Dom > So why were they dwelling on how hot this particular chick is? There was a whole conversation about it! So I think I have an easier time believing that it does not matter (which is the case. It's not like if I wanted to date any of them.) than trying to convince myself they never ever talked about it.