Citronella is a French gal completing her PhD in computer science in the United States.

Citronella speaks English with a French-American accent that is rather indefinite, and that you can listen to from time to time on This Reality.

Citronella loves reading books and writing words, chatting with friends until the night's long gone and rethinking the world around a few glasses of wine, whistling tunes, rolling in the grass and laying in the sun, walking along the shore under the moonlight, dark chocolate and black coffee, listening to birds singing in the trees, playing her viola (even though she hardly ever does it these days), watching a good movie curled on the couch with a blankie, speaking English, strolling in the streets of Paris, kissing the boy she's in love with, eating with her fingers, laughing and laughing and laughing, cinnamon and cilantro and ginger and lemon grass, dancing until she falls, the city life, visiting new places, taking pictures and feeling pretty.

Citronella deeply dislikes coca-cola, waiting for the bus in the wind, running, pipe organs, spiders, being cold, feeling lonely, arguing with people who don't listen to what the has to say past the three first words (which usually are curses anyway), horror movies, living in the countryside, spending hours debugging code (but oh my it is not going to correct itself), messy people, being unable to hold these tears any longer, being so far from her family and friends, girls who go to class with way too much make up and not enough fabric on and a purse too small to hold some pen and paper, and not understanding things.

Inspired by Elizabeth, Citronella answers the Proust and the Pivot Questionnaires:

SCENE

CITRONELLA's bedroom. CITRONELLA sits at her desk, typing at the computer.

[Enter MARCEL PROUST, slightly ghost-like. Remember he died in 1922.]

MARCEL
What is your favorite virtue?

CITRONELLA
Tolerance.

MARCEL
Your most marked characteristic?

CITRONELLA
A mix of perfectionism and lack of self-confidence hiding behind a generally amusing persona.

MARCEL
The quality you most admire in a man?

CITRONELLA
Wittiness.

MARCEL
The quality you most like in a woman?

CITRONELLA
Hmm... wittiness?

MARCEL
What do you most value in your friends?

CITRONELLA
That I can always count on them.

MARCEL
What is your principal flaw/defect?

CITRONELLA
A mix of perfectionism and lack of self-confidence, as well as the tendency to being too nice to people.

MARCEL
What is your principal quality?

CITRONELLA
I'm smart and nice. (It is very hard for me to say out loud ‒ least write down and let the Interwebs hold me eternally responsible for it ‒ that I am smart, because I have been led so many times to find it both pretentious and usually wrong in the mouth of other people. But I think I am, and most people I know think I am, too. So, there: I'm a smart gal, want it or not.)

MARCEL
What is your favorite occupation?

CITRONELLA
Reading.

MARCEL
What is your dream of happiness?

CITRONELLA
I'm sitting on the balcony at sunrise on a Sunday morning, wrapped in a warm sweater, holding a mug of coffee between my hands, listening quietly to the city waking up, and smiling with the secret feeling of a successful life, which would feature healthy children, a serene love with a wonderful man, thrilling professional achievements, and a handful of good, close and amazing friends.

MARCEL
What, to your mind, would be the greatest of misfortune?

CITRONELLA
Losing sight. Or an arm. Or a child, if I have any.

MARCEL
Besides yourself, who would you like to be?

CITRONELLA
This is a very, very hard question... I strongly believe that I can have no better life that the one I make for myself, and that longing at being someone else is utterly ridiculous and pointless. But, if you really want to go that way... Katharine Hepburn was a really amazing lady.

MARCEL
Where would you like to live?

CITRONELLA
In Paris, with a view on the roofs. Or in Florence. Any view would be fine, even no view at all, if I was to live in Tuscany.

MARCEL
What is your favorite color?

CITRONELLA
Dark plum, teal, olive, burgundy, pale red-violet...

MARCEL
What is your favorite flower?

CITRONELLA
I don't think I really have a favorite flower. I have a particular bond to violets, because in my home town they usually bloom around my birthday, but I don't feel that I prefer them. I am generally attracted to colorful flowers, or intricate ones (think orchids). And also, I don't like tulips or pink roses all that much.

MARCEL
What is your favorite bird?

CITRONELLA
The humming-bird. Not that I am very interested in birds in general, but a humming-bird will be sure to draw a "Oh, look, the cute little humming-bird!" from me.

MARCEL
Who are your favorite prose writers?

CITRONELLA
Victor Hugo, Marguerite Duras, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Jane Austen, Fedor Dostoevsky... and Dick Francis.

MARCEL
Who are your favorite poets?

CITRONELLA
Charles Baudelaire, Victor Hugo and Jacques Prévert. I'm not very good with English poetry, I'm afraid.

MARCEL
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

CITRONELLA
It used to be Holden Caufield. I'm not that sure anymore. I really like Dick Francis's main characters a lot, for instance. Or John McClane in the Die Hard movies.

MARCEL
Who is your favorite heroine of fiction?

CITRONELLA
Catwoman in the Tim Burton's Batman is a pretty neat lady. (Can you tell that I find these questions awfully hard? I do not have favorite characters, people I'd like to be, heroes or whatnot... it was neat when I was a teenager but I grew kind of tired with it.)

MARCEL
Who are your favorite composers?

CITRONELLA
JS Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Berlioz, Brahms, Stamitz. (I'm considering classical music composers here only.)

MARCEL
Who are your favorite painters?

CITRONELLA
Bosch, Brueghel, Picasso, Matisse.

MARCEL
Who are your heroes in real life?

CITRONELLA
Mikhail Rostropovitch. Dude played the cello as the Berlin Wall fell, how much cooler than that can you get?

MARCEL
Who are your heroines in real life?

CITRONELLA
Well, my mother, for a start. For raising a child almost on her own without much help from the community, while doing what is still considered in my little home town as a "man's job", and doing such a good job at parenting. And my physical therapist, who is so good at long term medical care. And Marie Curie (the woman with not one, but two Nobel Prices.)

MARCEL
Your heroes in history?

CITRONELLA
The unknown soldier. I hate that strategists always get so much credit; maybe they did plan the battle in a way that ensured victory, but they did not die in the process.

MARCEL
Your favorite food and drink?

CITRONELLA
Besides my grand-mother's lapin à la moutarde and most of my mother's favorites... grilled lamb chops. Oh, and vanilla ice-cream. I rarely turn down a good coffee or an Earl Grey tea, and as far as alcoholic beverages go, I can hardly refuse a Guinness or a vodka-grapefruit.

MARCEL
What is it you most dislike?

CITRONELLA
Hypocrisy.

MARCEL
A historical figure you do not like?

CITRONELLA
Napoleon.

MARCEL
Historical facts that you scorn?

CITRONELLA
Minor ones?

MARCEL
The military feat that you admire the most?

CITRONELLA
I have a hard time admiring military feats, but the ones that go towards ending wars have their merits.

MARCEL
The reform you admire the most?

CITRONELLA
I admire the ones that put an end to some blatantly unfair situation. The end of slavery or of segregation, giving women the right to vote... these kind of reforms. (Oh, yes, I guess it makes me stand out... so much for originality here.)

MARCEL
What natural gift would you most like to possess?

CITRONELLA
I'd like to be able to sing beautifully. Preferably as Ella Fitzgerald or Sarah Vaughan, now that you ask.

MARCEL
How would you like to die?

CITRONELLA
Surrounded by loved ones.

MARCEL
What is your present state of mind?

CITRONELLA
To be very honest, I'm really waiting for the end of this questionnaire.

MARCEL
To what fault do you feel most indulgent?

CITRONELLA
Lies that aimed at sparing someone.

MARCEL
What is your motto?

CITRONELLA
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." (Dr. Seuss)

[Seemingly satisfied, MARCEL PROUST vanishes, floating away in true ghost fashion. Enter BERNARD PIVOT, looking as if CITRONELLA had just misspelled one of his favorite words.]

BERNARD
What is your favorite word?

CITRONELLA
"Bubbles".

BERNARD
What is your least favorite word?

CITRONELLA
"Choke". It sounds as awful as the act it names.

BERNARD
What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

CITRONELLA
The sound of a cello playing in an empty concert hall; a text written in full honesty, with carefully chosen words, and the right amount of anger; the sun rising.

BERNARD
What turns you off?

CITRONELLA
Fuss.

BERNARD
What is your favorite curse word?

CITRONELLA
"Holly fucking crap". And "steam bag". In French, I do use "pute vierge" (virgin hooker) and "pute borgne" (one-eyed hooker) a lot. I'm afraid it does not make me sound particularly distinguished.

BERNARD
What sound or noise do you love?

CITRONELLA
I have deep North-African roots that make me cherish the sound of a muezzin calling to prayer; but nothing beats the sound of an orchestra tuning up.

BERNARD
What sound or noise do you hate?

CITRONELLA
High-pitched voices. They make me physically cringe.

BERNARD
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

CITRONELLA
Professional interpret.

BERNARD
What profession would you not like to do?

CITRONELLA
Anything implying manual work would be bad, because I would suck at it. But overall, the worse would be to work in a perfume and cosmetics shop. The mix of heavy scents with the chuckles of airhead bimbos would efficiently drive me insane.

BERNARD
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

CITRONELLA
"I exist. You lose. I win. Care to enter?"

ACT DROP