The Unsubstantial Bubbles Of Citronella

I have to admit, Joe Biden style, that this week went way better than the previous one.

"See, you're not unhappy", I told myself last Monday when I realized I was smiling while walking to work. I don't remember what I was smiling about anymore (it might have been Bill Maher's new rule that says "you can't become an expert in foreign policy by rubbing Henry Kissinger", though). And I am doing quite fine, even though I am more prone to sadness and discouragement than usual.

The week was a tiring one, what with the school year kicking in and various seminars and meetings coming back full force. I do feel quite senior, now, saying that I'm a fourth year PhD student, but I like the relaxed, no-nonsense feeling that comes with knowing the people, the place and the inner works of the daily life on campus. I grew rather sleep deprived as the week passed by. That's partly because I've had a hard time not falling asleep but staying asleep in the wee hours of the early morning, turning and tossing in my suddenly uncomfortable bed, victim of my semi-conscious racing mind, and partly because staying up late with people when I need to wake up earlier than them in the morning to get work done is not necessarily a smart idea.

I've never enjoyed being single all that much.

Wait, that is not true. I've never enjoyed looking for a boyfriend all that much. I tend to feel way more lonely and worthless when trying to meet new guys and either being rejected or finding them boring than when I am just, you know, living my life as a single gal.

Well contemplating new relationships when still somewhat in love with my not-exactly-yet-ex boyfriend is actually rather dire. Especially due to all the less than blunt adjectives in the previous sentence.